It's finally December. Just one more month to 2012.
I feel so lost right now I don't even know what to feel other than feeling... lost.
Overwhelmed by contradicting thoughts in my head.
People who know me labelled me as a noisy, loud, sampat, super kp, bitchy, a little bimbotic & extremely vulgar girl. Now, I wanna change. I wanna change into someone the opposite of me. I wanna be REALLY quiet, low profile and be someone who rarely use expletives. Here comes the contradictions. I wanna change because I hate my current life, I can't end it, why not change myself? Things and life might just get better. Then people will say, "Why can't you just be yourself?" People will ALWAYS change. Pain makes people change, and no matter who and what I change into, I'm still me. If you are my friend, YOU ACCEPT THE CHANGE, YOU ACCEPT ME. See the contradictions in my head? I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to be quiet and demure. I mean, isn't it good to be demure? Another part of me wants to be noisy. However recently I found myself being really quiet. I don't even know if it's a good thing. Perhaps it is because I realised it feels kinda good to be quiet.. Maybe to anyone else who follows me on Twitter will think I'm noisy, but I myself know that I've become less noisy. Today I refrained myself from using expletives and I did it. I guess this is a good practice. It's really good for a girl to use lesser vulgarities, or should I say, don't use em at all.
Guess I'm gonna change myself. But bear this in mind, no matter who and what I change into, I'm still me. I choose to change. I don't know what I'm gonna change into and how I'm gonna do it. I'll just let nature take its course.
Okay I won't get to change much anyway. Just my character. But one thing I know I'll never change: my love for my boyfriend. It'll only increase. And ofcourse, my love for my bff too.
One reminder for myself: "Just conti to stay weird"
Less noisy = more peaceful. I really want a peaceful life.
I don't even what I'm typing anymore or am I even making any sense.
Don't be surprised that I'm really insecure about everything.
So many things to do this month :)
It's 1:54am now I'm dead beat.
Goodnai xx
