Tried so hard to lose weight but I'm still not losing. I keep eating. I hate myself SO MUCH. I wanna be boney so much. I wanna have pretty collarbones so much. I wanna have flat tummy so much. I wanna have obvious hip bones so much. I don't wanna have thunder thighs.
i hate my body so much why cant i just accept myself i hate hate hate hate my body. why ain't i losing weight when i'm so busy. okay i hate life. i should just tire myself out, yes i should just... tire myself out and go and die.
im joining another team which means i'll have additional training on sunday. im stupid i should use this chance to tire myself out. what im afraid of is skipping school idwna skip school. okay lemme think about it. i've work on weekends.. okay i'll just go tire myself out hopefully i'll improve in my skills by a lil cuz im too lousy to improve alot i'll never improve alot haha joke and hopefully i'll be able to lose weight. others can manage their packed schedule why can't i? i can do it.
i hate how my friends tell me i'm not fat. it makes me guilty. they cared for me and yet i'm doing this. sigh
it sucks know. im so excited for this friday and BAM we're not going shopping anymore. haha joke i shouldnt get excited in the first place i'm being stupid and demanding ya i suck as a gf i can gnd. ya i only know how to puah stun i suck i suck.
everything's going smoothly for me except for my weight. soon there'll be a competition then i'll be like "fuck im so lousy im forever a bench warmer" ohfuck i hate myself
